Frustrations and Clinical Depression :(

Last saturday, I went to the hospital with my baby to have my thyroid and abdomen checked via ultrasound. I am suspecting I have hypothyroidism as I am not slimming down despite my efforts :( Instead, I have been weighing up. :(

This was how I looked about 3 years ago.

Now, I weigh 204 lbs, with only a few clothes left that fit in. I find it hard to style myself because of my now-very-large frame.

I can't anymore stress how depressed I am about this. :(

"Boybi"

Hi Baby!

Oh, and hello my dear blog! I know it's been a long time. Please understand that I'm more used to tweeting and posting statuses recently than writing something blog-long. You know I'd always come back to you, right? :)

And hello again, my baby. The man who owns my heart, and already, my life. I'd like to tell you (here) that I spoke with Julie today (via skype) and I told her about how bothered I am that we might go down if we continue putting in as much time with each other as putting in now.

Before we became a couple, we were friends at work (although we are still friends now *kilig*) who hang out almost everyday. You were a regular visitor at the place I was renting and a sure-buddy when I need to down some drinks. Then the most magical night of my life came, that's when you told me you like me, and that night opened the happiest days of my life.

I've never had days as happy and as in-love as I have had since that night.

Currently, I am living 2 blocks from your house. We have breakfasts together, we take rides to our work together. Yes, we work together. We're basically together almost 24 hours a day. Or, 16. Because you take off to go to your house (to sleep the night off) at around 8pm. We see each other again at 4:30am.


(I lost my thoughts for this entry already, I'm sorry. I had to leave my computer and I got to discuss this with my Baby, will have to leave this off muna. )

Lovelots! :)

My text to my elder sister at a lil past 2am.

Hi ate good morning. Sorry sa late reply. I was asleep almost the entire day yesterday cuz im exhausted. The thing is,i lov our parents so much. They are the reason why ive been working my ass off for years and they are the huge part of my hopes. It's just that they have always let me down and ive grown tires of it. Juat recently momy told me things that im disgusting and that i may have had sexual assault wc is why im sizing up a lot. Which mother wud tel her daughter that?? And dat night wen i visited u there,i went wid maroi in qc to hand dada some groceries and to introduce mario. I've always wanted for dem to know mario becuz im proud of the guy that i have. And i was boastingto him how good of a father dada is. But wen we came der,he'd barely even talked wid us. And iv been asking about his health and trying to engage in a conversation with him,he wud barely even look at me. Im hurt as hell that they'd do that to me. Wen ive always been the one who has taken over most responsibility. Ive always been happy helping and shelling out. Khit pg wala akong mabibigay. Wen dada got sick i even had to go to libis to ask money from a friend to send to dem. theynver appreciated me. They nver talked to me the way they do to other people and my other siblings. And wen mom talks shit on me, i always beg for her not to throw me words and to have more care for my feelings. She nver remembered that. Ive always wanted to spend new year wid my family again but on new year's eve they ddnt even greet me. Im shattered wid all these word-fights with our two siblings but im just so full of angst all these time that i had to let them out or ill go crazy. No one's been looking aftr me. I deserve more love than im getting,u know. And since ive not been getting love but only hurtful words,i'd rather not give out love na din. As wid monetary help,im not withdrawing that. But my salary has gone slim because of a new payroll setup. I cnt give as much as ive been giving. Among all of us,im d one who has rent and bills to pay. All by myself. No one understands that,not even our parents. They only understand their needs and forgot i have needs also. Im shattered by all these. Im not usually a person who doesnt care bout family,i do so much. But i have to care for myself and my needs and my future too,as no one else is caring for me. No respect,no wanting.

Back to blogging. :)

Hi, baby! :)

Hi! Please don't mind the title for now. I just haven't thought of a good one, yet. :) And that, I'm sure you know, is inspired by the funny, funny American series "How I Met Your Mother".


So! I thought it'd be nice to write again and compose a blog. A few minutes ago I was browsing a friend's wedding website. All I had in mind is a mean thought of how stupid that is. Everything on that, actually. The pictures of my friend and her fiance do not have substance. The messages are nonsense.  Giving them the benefit of the doubt, they may have rushed things. So if they rushed, they still had time to put out a website that doesn't help at all in preparing for their "big day"? Oh and that "big day"? Mind you, a few months back, I spent a night with her while she's in the country ('cause she's based in Dubai), and boy how scared she was with the thought of marrying someone while she still hasn't closed the book with her ex yet. I strongly believe they just desperately want to be married.  They, or at least my friend, has always thought the only things she's missing on are love and marriage. Oh, whatever. I'm not bitter or jealous, 'cause you might think I am. No, hell, no I'm sooo not. I'm mean, yes.

Chapter 2, I'd like to introduce to you the biggest asshole I knew last year. His name is Jeffrey and he's my manager's boyfriend. He also works in the same office we are at. Oh, and my boyfriend works in the same office, too. Before I expound this story, I want you all to see how shitty he looks like. So, here, take a look.

That. Yes, that. He's as stupid as his looks. He thinks his tattoos are badass - they are actually far from being slightly cool. So today, I got a text from my manager saying they (her and that guy) will not come to work because her nitwit of a boyfriend got infected with something (oh, I don't care really). That made my day! 'Cause today I won't be irritated with his presence and because I think that's his karma. For thinking too highly of himself and for trying to bully my baby. A month ago he was  asking my baby to fight him. That's how stupid he is - thinking he can take down a 250-lb man who's used in fighting. If we do not know better, I would have let my baby fight that stupid person. He's probably still recovering until now and his presence might not have ruined some of my days in the last month.

Like I have mentioned, he's not coming in to work today as he is confined somewhere trying to recover from infection which, as I have overheard yesterday, he acquired from having a tattoo.Oh i hope it kills him. I maybe mean and evil in saying that, I regret that I mean that whole-heartedly. He doesn't deserve to live and I don't want anymore of his kids popped out in this society where I live in.

Got work to do! Happy day ahead, I hope!

I love you, baby! :)

(P.S. I'm so not letting your eyes land on this new blog of mine, my baby. Forgive me! :))) )